Existential questions

Ever watched a movie that left you totally in awe but yet, also totally confused about yourself because it brought existential questions that you couldn’t quite face or answer? I did and even today, I am still not sure I can answer those questions. I keep having a fight between my conscience and instinct. Picture me as one of those cartoon’s characters with a little angel on one shoulder and a little evil on the other, each trying to win me over to their side, and you will have a pretty good idea of how I feel.

I don't know if you guys know the movie “ Return to Paradise ” but if you don't it's a must. It’s really deep and emotional. It might leave you feeling helpless, but it’s so good in a twisted way. In short, it’s the story of three guys traveling to Malaysia. They buy some weed and then at the end of the trip one of them decides to stay a bit longer while the two other ones return to NYC. The one staying keeps the weed with him. A week later he gets caught with it. As per Malaysian laws, due to the amount of weed in his possession, he is considered a drug dealer and will face the death row. Though, if his two friends come back and share the blame, they would each serve five years or if only one of the two comes back they will each serve ten years.

After you see that movie you can help but ask yourself: “Would I go back?" , " Am I willing to give up five or ten years of my life and leave my love ones behind me to go in a Malaysian’s prison? " I couldn’t answer the first time around and as we speak now, I still don’t have an answer. If it was in Canada, I like to believe that I would go back. You can never say for sure unless you are face with the decision but I can say in all honesty that I would truly consider it to save my friend. But a Malaysian’s prison, it's a whole different story. My first instinct scream, “NO WAY!” But then comes the other question: " Would I be able to live with myself knowing that my friend die because of me? "  I don't know what would be worst: the after-effects a stay in a Malaysian’s prison could leave me with or living with the death of a friend on my conscience for the rest of your life. I am still unable to take position so I made a deal with my friends; if we ever travel together; no one is to do anything illegal! That way I’ll never have to take that decision.

Next, " Life of David Gale " which I guess all of you knows. The question being: " Would I die for my beliefs? ". For me, it's a bit extremist, but at the same time, a little voice saying, “If no one acts, things will never change or evolve." keeps nagging me. After all, most of humanity’s biggest achievements were obtained because someone stood up and put his/her life on the line. Again, the little angel and evil are fighting over my shoulders. Why me? Why should I be the one? But then I'm thinking am I selfish? Looking at every angle I have to admit that I am not willing to die for my beliefs. My own survival’s instincts prevail on my instinct to protect human race. Sad? Weak? Coward? Maybe, I am still not sure. When I look at myself in a mirror, I tell myself that not everybody can be a hero. So far it worked to keep me in peace with myself.

Next controversial movie on my list: “ A Time to Kill ”. We all asked ourselves at some point of time if it’s right to seek our own justice. I used to say that if you kill a killer you become one yourself since you are doing exactly the same thing you want to condemn him for. Now that I am a mother, I can’t defend that argument as strongly as before because when I look at my little man and imagine anyone hurting him, I know deep inside that there is nothing in this world that could stop me to hunt down and torture the sick bastard who would have dare to touch one hair of my son. Would it be right? Absolutely not but it would be forgivable. Sure the world would be a heck of a mess if everyone was to go ahead avenge him or herself, but no matter how much I try, I can’t condemn them as easy as before. Things are not so black and white anymore. Having a child brought a whole new grey zone in my life and my vision of it.

Those are only three examples of movies that left me very pensive and perplexed about myself but I think I stirred enough questions for one day. I’ll give my mind a little break, but I’d love to have your opinions and I’d love to know what movies made you pensive?