A while back, I went to see a show. One sentence caught my attention and since then I can't stop thinking about it. This guy said, "When you interact with someone, there is three things to take into consideration: what you want to say or do, what you actually say or do and what the other person really understand."
It's stuck into my mind because it's so true. Everyone has a different perception of things. We all feel things differently. Sometime we don't express ourselves the way we would want to and our sayings or actions are taken the wrong way. Sometime we do it to be polite, sometime because we don't want to hurt our friends or because it's the right thing to say at that moment.
This guy gave a funny example but I could relate to it so much that it made me laugh. He said, "It’s like when someone come with a new look, a haircut or new clothes, and asks you how you like it and you answer: ‘It's a style’. In your head you might think that it’s ugly like hell but the other person understand that she has style and it’s all good. You might think that it's actually really nice but the other person thinks that you are sarcastic. Or maybe you think that it’s ugly and the person understand that you don't like it or vice versa if you think it nice. The problem is that you never really know."
My friends with me at the show laughed so much because they all recognized me. All my friends know now that if I tell you, "Well it's a style " It really mean that I think it’s ugly.
But anyway that's just one funny example but it can apply to everything in your life because we all see thing differently and because things have a different meaning to each of us.
Once I had an interview for a job and at the end of the interview the woman told me, "Thanks for coming it was nice meeting you. The only problem is that this time I only have good candidates who applied. It will be hard." I took it the wrong way. I understood that I was Nice but that all the other candidates were Good. So for me, it really meant: “Read between the line. You wont get it " Especially, that I was the first person they passed in interview. I thought to myself: "She haven't meet them yet and she already thinks they are good!!" I got out of this interview so depressed. But hey surprise, surprise! Four days later she came to me to offer me the job and told me: "We were so impressed by you after you left the interview that we kept comparing every other candidates to you and in the end no one could made us change our mind. You are our first choice no doubt. Welcome to the team!!" I was on shock. I really didn't expect that. When I started my new job, I told her how I felt about what she said and she was on shock too. She said that she never meant it the way I understood it. By her saying all the candidates were good, she assumed that I would understand that I was good too. So I stressed and depressed for absolutely nothing. Contrary of what I thought, I had made an amazing impression on her. She meant to make me a compliment and I took it as a fault. Funny how we can perceive things!
It’s like in relationships. You can lead people to believe things without you knowing or wanting it because you analyze things with our own vision and don’t realize others might have a different vision.
About 5-6 years ago, I got this guy who tried to make a move on me. When I told him I was not into him that way, he told me I was just a tease and that I did everything to lead him on. I was confused and asked him what on earth I had done because I honestly didn’t know. It was a guy from work and we used to do the same shift. We also lived really close to each other, so he offered me to pick me up in the morning and drop me at night. For me, it was so innocent and also just really logic. We did the same ride everyday, why not do it together? We split our expenses in two, we had company; that made so much sense to me. For me, it was all friendly and didn't mean anything more. But for him, offering me that was a way to get closer to me. Therefore, he thought that by me accepting his offer it meant that I wanted to get closer too. We also had our lunch together. So once again, for me, it was just logic. Why would I go sit at the opposite side of the cafeteria when we can sit together and chat? “That's what friends do,” I thought. In his head, he was thinking that he would never spent so much time with someone unless he is interested, so he assumed that I was. I ended up looking like a bitch that played him all along but I never meant that. He saw in my actions a potentially future girlfriend and I saw in him a really good friend.
I am the kind of person who worries way too much about things. Sometime, I will do something and feel really stupid about it. I will think about it for days, replay it in my head over and over again and feel like crap. So I will hide from whoever witnessed my “Stupidity”. But the truth is that 95% of the time that person did not even notice what I did, didn't think much about it or simply forgot about it 5 minutes later.
I've been told that I'm intimidating and even sometime that I look arrogant, which is so far from what I am. I am insecure in so many ways. I act the way I do to protect myself most of the time. I am scared to get hurt, so I built that shell. Now I realized by listening to people around me, that it makes me look cold. One of my friend told me that when he first met me he would have never dare do the first step because he thought I would have turn him down big time. Meanwhile, I had the same feeling about him; I didn't think I was cool enough to talk to him. So here again it's the same story. Sometime what you think and the way you express it are two different things and it can alter what other people might think of you.
The problem is that something so obvious for you can go totally unnoticed to someone else, important things for you can be meaningless for others and vice versa.
There is so many meaning to every little thing life that sometime it gets hard to find people who think like you. Much more that you can never know in advance. You might think you are on the same mind track but until you really get to know someone you’ll never really know. You can frequent someone for months and even years, like at work, and you will never really know what he or she thinks.
But I guess that's what makes friendship or love so special. When you get to the point that you understand the other person the right way without a doubt in your mind, it means that your relationship is true.
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